[Jewish] [Mindful Torah] Parshat Hukkat: Poetic Commentary on Loss and Grief

[Rabbi Steven Nathan]

This week's parashah, Hukkat (Bemidbar/Numbers 19:122:1), begins with
the description of the ritual slaughter of the red heifer by Eleazar
the priest. The ashes of the heifer are then to be mixed together with
water, hyssop, crimson thread and other ingredients in order to make a
solution that will be used to purify those who have
becometamei/ritually impure (for lack of a better translation) through
contact with a corpse.
Following the description of the ritual slaughter of the red heifer, we
read of the death of Miriam the prophet, sister of Moses and Aaron.
Immediately following her death the people cry out to Moses that they
have no water to drink This passage is most likely the origin of the
ancient rabbinic legend of Miriam’s Well, that sustained the people
through their years in the desert and dried up following Miriam’s death.
As the people cry out to the bereaved Moses and Aaron for water, God
instructs them to speak to a rock in order to bring forth water.
Instead, Moses and Aaron gather the people together and then Moses
strikes the rock with his rod and water gushes forth. God then tells
Moses and Aaron that because they did not trust in God and simply speak
to the rock, neither of them will be able to enter the Promised Land.
Following this episode, we then read of Aaron’s death, for which the
peoplemourn for thirty days. After the period of mourning ends, the
people once again complain to Moses that they should not have been
brought out of Egypt simply to die in the desert. God then sends a
plague of snakes to attack the people. Only looking upon Moses’ staff,
upon which he has placed a copper snake figure, can heal the wounds of
the people. The Amorites and people of Bashan and Og then attack the
people, but the Israelites are victorious.
This parashah is one of great loss for Moses. Not only does he lose his
only siblings, but he also loses the right to enter the Promised Land
at the end of the journey. Suddenly, Moses comes to realize how alone
he is.Though he has a wife and two sons (about whom we know very
little) the two people who were his support during the journey, even
when they might disagree, were now gone. On top of this, the people
continue to complain, and do not allow him time to grieve for very long.
In this poetic commentary, I imagine how Moses might have felt at the
moment when he was finally left alone by his complaining people and
allowed to face his loss and his grief.
I dedicate this poem to the memory of my beloved father, Alvin Nathan
z”l, whose tenth yahrtzeit (anniversary of his death) will be observed
later this month, my grandfather, M.J. Waldman, whose 19th yahrtzeit is
this month; I also want to remember my mother's sisters, Mickie Brown
and Annette Goldreyer, as well my partner David's father, Steven Bauer,
all of whom died within the past 14 months. May their memories be a
blessing.
Shabbat Shalom,Steven

grieving waters
Iam alonetheyare gone
familythose I knew in egypt those I came to know as an adultnow in what
seems a moment they are both gonebrother and sister no time to mourn
him before she was gone
closing my eyesI see water living waters life-giving waters
death-cleansing waterswater bringing death to egypt water gushing from
the rock water streaming down my face
two holes pierce my heart two wholes gone leaving me broken in pieces
alone
the peopledo not understandthey only wantwater food meat return to egypt
I do not understandI want them to leave mealone
I want to mourn I want to wail to tear at my hair flesh clothes to
scream or simply to weepin this moment I want to beman brother son
human notleader teacher emissary prophet
I wish to drown myself in waters of sorrowemerging cleansed perhaps
someday
miriam understood her name bitter waters she knew the bitter and the
sweetprophet leader singer visionary jealous judgmental unyielding
always passionate and caringshe received her reward waters of her well
sustained us allshe received her punishment skin white as snowcleansed
only by isolation and bitter salt water tears
when she died the well dried up water ceased tears screams complaints
in torrents from the people replacing its gentle flow we want we need
more always more
God said to me to aaron speak to the rock it will give youwhat they
think they need
still in mourningI we cannot talk to people or rockI we can only scream
in silence strike the rock bringing forth living watersealing our fate
our death
now he is gone the one who was my voice to pharaoh with whom I could
speak even after he had turned away from me angry jealous
frustratedonly to turn return and forgiveeach other
no water can cleanse my grief through eyes filled with anger pain
isolation I see red heifer hyssop thread blood life death mixed with
miriam’s water divine magic purifying those whotouch feel witness death
I cannot be purifieddeath has touched not merely my body but my soul I
thirstfor life for water for thembut there is nothingto comfort me
I want to dieto be with them instead I mustbe with the peoplemy people
god’s peopleuntil we reach the jordan’s waters only then will I finally
rest only then can I be me brother son father husband no longer
alonedwelling with God with them our souls immersed in holy waters of
the divine spirit God’s shekhinahbirthing me into new life together
with them with allat Onefor eternity



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Posted By Rabbi Steven Nathan to Mindful Torah at 6/18/2010 05:26:00 PM
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