[Jewish] [Mindful Torah] Wrestling with Redemption - a midrash on Parshat Vayishlakh

[Rabbi Steven Nathan]

This week's parashah is Vayishlakh (Bereshit/Genesis 32:4-36:4) in
which Jacob prepares to be reunited with his brother Esau. As Jacob
waits for the reunion and ponders whether his brother still wishes to
kill him, he encounters a stranger in the darkness besides the river
Jabok. They wrestle all night long, with neither of them the clear
victor. As the sun begins to rise, the stranger realizes that he is
unable to prevail over Jacob, he then wrenches Jacob's hip from its
socket and tells him that he must leave for the sun is rising. Jacob
demands a blessing from the stranger. The stranger asks Jacob his name.
After Jacob responds, the stranger tells him that he will no longer be
called Jacob, but he will instead be known as Israel, for he has
struggled with beings divine and human (Yisrael, meaning "one who has
struggled with God"). Then Jacob asks the stranger his name, to which
he replies, "why do you ask my name?" The stranger then disappears and
Jacob walks away, limping, to meet his brother Esau.

In the midrash that I wrote for last week's Torah portion, I imagined
that Esau had also run into a stranger at dusk as he was chasing after
his brother Jacob after Jacob had stolen Esau's blessing from their
father Isaac. This stranger convinced Esau "not to do as he had done",
and act out murderous revenge against his brother. Noticing the mark on
his forehead, Esau realized that the stranger was Cain, son of Adam and
Eve, who murdered his brother Abel. This midrash continues, as does the
Torah, 20 years later as Jacob prepares to meet Esau.








Wrestling with Redemption

Another sleepless night. How many nights had it been? Jacob could not
remember. All he knew was that each night he would awaken from the same
dream. A dream in which he faced his brother alone for the first time
since he had stolen his blessing from their father through deceit, thus
guaranteeing his place as the patriarch of a great nation yet-to-be.

In the years since then he had married two sisters, fathered eleven
children with them and their two servant-women and amassed a fortune
beyond his wildest imagination. So why had this dream begun to haunt
him now? The man who had been named Jacob because he grabbed his twin
brother's heel (akev) when they were being born, no longer needed to
fight or deceive to emerge on top. He was on top already! So why this
sudden fear? Why these dreams? What could they mean? He searched and
searched for a meaning but could find none. Then yesterday he was
informed that a caravan consisting of hundreds of people and animals
was traveling towards them; at its head was a man with hair as red as
the blazing sun. Then Jacob knew why these dreams had begun to haunt
him. Esau had found him. The day that he had feared was finally here.

What was he to do? He knew in his heart that he did not have the
strength or the will to run away again. And so he sent messengers with
gifts to his brother. Then devised a plan in which his camp would be
divided into two separate camps, so if Esau attacked at least some
might survive. He then prepared to meet Esau.

As the sun began to set at the end of the day, he prayed to God for
strength and protection, while in his heart wondering if he was worthy
after all that he had done to harm his brother. In the evening he told
his wives and children that he was going to take them somewhere safe –
though he was unsure if they would truly be safe if Esau were still in
a murderous rage after all these years. As he was guiding them in the
dusk he came upon a stream. He thought he had remembered every inch of
the path that he had taken when he fled home all those years ago, and
yet he did not remember this stream. Nevertheless, he paid little mind
to this stream for his goal was to deliver his family to safety.

After crossing the stream and taking them to a place that he hoped
would be safe he then returned to where they had camped the previous
night. There he sat down alone on a rock and began to remember all that
he had done to his brother. Surely his brother must still be angry with
him. Who wouldn't be? He had taken everything from him through deceit.
On top of that he and his mother had duped his aging and blind father
into believing that the blessing was being given to Esau, his favorite
son and rightful heir, as the elder of the two twins.

As Jacob played the story repeatedly in his mind, he could feel the
fear welling inside of him. But the more he paid attention to the fear,
the more he realized that he would have to face his brother in order to
go on with his life and become the father of a great nation as promised.

As he sat there with his pain and fear, he heard a noise coming from
behind him. He could see nothing as it was the time of the new moon and
the night was pitch black. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he
could see a figure of a man in front of him standing on the bank of the
stream. The man stood there still and silent. Could it be Esau? No, he
was too tall, too thin. Somehow, even without being able to see him, he
also knew that this man was far too old to be his brother.

Before Jacob had a chance to ask the man's name he suddenly ran forward
and lunged at Jacob's foot. Before he could respond the man grabbed
Jacob's heel and pulled his leg out from under him so that he fell to
the ground. Thus began a wrestling match that seemed to last the entire
night. And though the stranger had appeared at first to be old, perhaps
ancient, he had strength at least equal to that of Jacob. All through
the night they struggled with each other, neither of them gaining or
losing ground for very long. Jacob was amazed that he had the strength
to endure this struggle. After all, fighting and other physical
activity had always been his brother's forte, not his. He had always
been happier studying or reading. Yet somehow he was able to endure
this night because he sensed that if he conceded he would lose not only
the fight, but also his life and everything that had been promised to
him by God. Therefore, he struggled with this strange and silent man
until he could see the tiniest bit of light appearing in the distant
East. Though the stranger's back was towards the sliver of sunrise he
stopped at the same moment Jacob had noticed the faint light.

At that moment the stranger slightly loosened his grip on Jacob. Jacob
took advantage of this opportunity to break free of the stranger and
begin to rise to his feet. Suddenly he was knocked over by what seemed
a superhuman force. He fell to the ground and was once again locked in
struggle. Then the stranger grabbed Jacob's thigh and pulled with what
all his strength. Jacob could feel an unbearable pain shooting through
his body, as his hip was wrenched from its socket. He let out a scream
that he felt for sure would be heard by his family in their secret
hiding place. He hoped and prayed that they would stay where they were
and not come running to his rescue.

As the echo of the scream died and Jacob simply lay there in pain,
barely able to maintain his hold of his opponent. Then the stranger
spoke for the first time. "The time has come for me to leave you," he
said in an other-worldly voice, "you must let me go." Upon hearing
these words Jacob regained his composure and his strength. He tightened
his arms around the stranger and pulled him back to the ground. He was
not going to allow him to leave until he found out what this was all
about. "You are going nowhere," Jacob said, "until you tell me who you
are, where you came from and why you attacked me." "I am sorry," said
the stranger, "I have no answers to those questions – at least not
answers that would satisfy you – and I must leave before the sun
rises." Upon hearing that Jacob held on even tighter.

"I will not let you go until you give me something," he said. The
stranger laughed, "Give you something? Don't you think you have enough?
You have four wives, eleven children, and an entourage equal to that of
any king. In addition, you have everything else that God has given you.
You have all of this, even though your father had told you all those
years that it was to be your brother's."

Hearing this response Jacob wondered how the stranger knew all this? It
became clear to him that he could not be human. "Are you an angel or a
demon," he asked. "I am neither," the man replied. "I simply am. That
is all I can tell you. Now please let me go!" "No!" said Jacob, "you
must be a demon of some kind." "If I were a demon," he responded, " I
would have…," the stranger stopped before completing his sentence. He
knew he had said too much. "So, you are an angel then! If that's the
case then I won't let you go until you bless me." " Don't you think you
have stolen enough blessings for one life time," the stranger
laughed, "what have you done to deserve another?"

Jacob had no answer. He knew the stranger was right. All that was his
came from the fact that he had stolen what was meant to be his
brother's. It had all been too easy. His mother had been so cunning and
smart. His brother and father were both too easy to trick. Jacob,
himself, had been too pliable, too easily swayed, and too unsure of
himself to give any thought to what he was doing.

Then suddenly he thought to himself, "I am not the same person that I
was all those years ago. For at this moment I am a man who is prepared
to face his brother. I am a man able to sustain an all-night struggle
with a divine being and hold his own. I am a man – truly a man – for
the first time in my life." Realizing this, he spoke in a voice strong
and clear that did not even sound like his, "I ask for a blessing from
you now for I have finally earned the right to receive a blessing. I
have struggled with you and with me and I have survived. I am ready to
meet my brother – no matter what happens. I am ready to ask for
forgiveness, but also to accept what might happen if he is unable to
forgive. Please bless me, for this may be the last sunrise that I will
see."

After a long silence the man asked Jacob, "What is your name?" "You
know the answer to that," Jacob replied, "you even called me by my name
earlier." "What is your name," he said again, this time more
emphatically. "My name is Jacob." "Is that what you told your father
the last time you saw him?" "No," said Jacob with pain in his
heart, "the last time I saw my father I lied and told him that I was
Esau, my brother." "And who are you now?" Jacob was about to repeat his
previous answer when he stopped. He could not answer. He could not
speak at all. "Quickly," said the stranger, "I need your answer now.
The sun will soon be up." Jacob remained silent and then he said in a
whisper, "I do not know my name. I do not know who I am. I have always
been Jacob, the heal-grabber, the usurper, the cheater, the liar and
the one who was blessed. But I see now that my blessing quickly became
a curse from which I have tried to run my whole life. Please," he
implored the stranger, "I need a new blessing for who I am now. Without
it I am no one. Without it I cannot go on. Without it I will never be
able to fulfill God's promise."

The stranger then spoke again. "On the night when you fled home your
brother followed in a murderous rage. That night he encountered me at
this very spot and I helped him to see that rage and hatred would only
destroy him. He returned to your parents that night and continued with
his life. Now he is returning with an entourage as large as yours this
very place and he is ready to embrace you in peace. However, he will
not embrace Jacob, for in this moment Jacob does not exist. You have
struggled this night not only with me, but also with what it means to
be human and what it means to be created in the image of the Divine.
You have struggled with all that brought you to this moment. Because of
this you are no longer simply Jacob, the heal-grabber. You are now
Israel, the one who has struggled with Divinity – and humanity – and
prevailed. My blessing for you is that you live your life each moment
mindful of this name. That in every moment you face what is and do what
is necessary to take the next step on the journey on which God has
sent. This way you will become a blessing to yourself, your family, to
God and all those whom you encounter each day."

Jacob, now Israel, was silent for a moment. Then he thanked the
stranger, kissed him, and let him go. As the stranger began to walk
towards the stream Israel cried out a second time, "but who are you?"
With his back to Israel he simply replied, "as I said before, do not
ask me that question. Simply know that for this moment I am here. That
is enough." Israel did not know how to respond. The man then turned
around and looked for a moment at Israel. Just then a ray of sunlight
struck the man's face. Israel shielded his eyes. Still, he was able to
see the man's face for a split-second. In that brief moment he was
unable to tell if the features were those of a human being or an angel.
For a moment, he even thought he saw the face of his brother as it had
looked all those years ago. He also thought he saw a strange mark on
the gaunt man's forehead. But when he uncovered his eyes, now adjusted
to the light, the stranger was gone.

Then Israel walked over to the stream, still unsure if it had been
there all those years ago. He stepped into the cold, clear waters and
lay down. As the waters gently washed over him, he knew that when he
arose he would indeed be a new person, as if reborn. He was indeed a
man who had struggled with himself and with God. He was a man who also
knew that night that he had felt the presence of God within him and
seen the face of God in the momentary glimpse of the stranger's face.
He also knew that soon on that day he would look once again into his
brother's eyes. He was certain that in them he would see their father,
their mother and himself. More than that, he knew that he would be
seeing the face of the Divine in Esau, just as Esau would see the same
in him. Secure in that knowledge he emerged from the water and faced
the rising sun, prepared to greet the day and its challenges with
renewed strength, with the blessing of God and as a new man.


--
Posted By Rabbi Steven Nathan to Mindful Torah at 12/04/2009 01:14:00 AM
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