[Excalibur] Lifetime of a deal! Get yourself the new RED RING today!! (LqKjfldjkgha)

[Moof "Lol" Woogle]

ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING DEFEATED BY WIZROBES? 

ARE YOU TIRED OF HAVING YOUR HEARTS DEPLETED NO MATTER HOW QUICKLY YOU GATHER HEART CONTAINERS?

WELL, WE HAVE THE SOLUTION FOR YOU!



Presenting, the new

RED RING!!

!!!!!


This **revolutionary** new piece of magical jewelery is just what you need to get back on your feet after a hard days work rescueing dumb, inept princesses and/or princes and/or characters important to the plot! With just one application, it INSTANTLY reduces the amount of physical damage you take to 25%!!!

That's 75% OFF of the damage you normally get!

Now how much would you pay for such a fabulous product?
300 rupees?
400 rupees?
Even 500 rupees?

Well, not the RED RING! We're letting it go for ONLY 250 rupees in this exclusive mass-produced email offer! Just send your name, address, and rupee credit account number to the following address:
Secret Room, Upperright corner
Dungeon nine
Hyrule, 17256

Don't be fooled by imitation products such as the alleged "RED MAIL" or "BLUE RING" or even "GREAT FAIRY'S PROTECTION" - most are only gimmicks, and only reduce the amount of damage you take to A MERE 50 PERCENT!! Only the red ring garuntees your physical damage reduced to 25%!!!

Just hear some success stories from these satisfied customers:

"Damn, dungeon number nine sure was a fucking bitch. I mean, damn dude, there were, like, wizrobes and those weird snake things and those fire things and everything. I mean hell, I couldn't fucking move. Then I found that secret room and got myself a bitch ass red ring, and those fucks didn't know what the fuck hit them. The red ring is a fucking lives saver yo." - Link, local hero, Hyrule

"omrfg thiss was tehbest rinig inw wthe worald i aoslove this wread irng gecause its soooooooooo aweseoimnee ngra" - A\/\/350/\/\3 |)U|)3, channel #WTFASSPOOLOL

"This product was great! These four guys would always beat me up after school, but after getting the red ring, it was just like only one guy was beating me up after school!" - Timmy Whimsy, 4th grader

"Why are my clothes red?" - Harold Grumslebottem, Portland, OR

"This product was definitely... worth the money I paid for it. It's a [terrific] piece of [equipment] that I'd never want to... leave home without!" - Alice Wittleson

"Hummunana hummamamamaam hummummummummafarp." - Randell P. Hoffinpenis IV., esq.


Send your orders in now while supplies last!! (Actually, there's only one red ring!) So act extra quickly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you are unsatisfied with the quality of this product, return unused portion for full refund.

Visit our website for more information:
http://www.hyrulianshops.com&storeID=@3223391312/%7E%62%6A%6B02/%70%72%69%6Ece%73%73

You may now return to your daily broadcasting.
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